Unforseen side effects

Everyone has heard of the effects of anxiety on the person suffering from it, but there is definitely shrapnel that affects everyone around you. The first thing that I noticed after the three months away from work was that I was not the same kind of worker. I really did not care, and it showed in my work. I would go in and play games on my work computer. I would sleep in my cube due to the new meds I was on. I was the supervisor on the helpdesk. Eventually the people that worked for me noticed it, and said something to my manager. I did not know what to say. This was totally not me, and here I was screwing over the people that kept me on the payroll when they totally did not have to. I took the talk to heart and did better. I still was not the same as I was from before. I think it still holds me back in my professional life. Not like it did, but I still think I could be better.

Apart from the work life was personal life. It is really hard to have friends when you really don't want to leave the house. It really came into being when I lived in Kentucky. It seemed like I always had an excuse not to go somewhere or do something when I was asked. I missed out on a lot of times with my friends down there. But thankfully they kept asking. That was my biggest fear was that people would stop inviting me places. Not leaving the house left me meeing people online that were definitely not the best for me and I got myself into some bad situations with them. Again, more wasted time. Instead of being with real life friends who I knew had my best interests at heart, I went with people who it turns out I did not know at all. Well you live you learn. The best thing we could have done is move back to Michigan among friends and family. I have a friend who has me out of the house at least once a week if not more. I can't say how much I owe him and his wife. Jen and I have friends that we can hang out with as a couple which we have never had before, and we are surrounded by friends.

If there is one thing I hope that people learn from this is not to stop asking. Don't give up on the friend that always has something come up when you make plans. It may be something deeper. It is not easy laying myself out like this, but selfishly it helps me to write about it and maybe someone will read this and identify. Things do get better. I still have my moments, but few and far between now. Surround yourself with people that care about you and have your best interests at heart. I guess if there is one thing that I learned from those other people is that my life is not all negative and to celebrate the little victories and don't dwell on the defeats.